I hate lesbians. Don’t get me wrong, I like the individual lesbian, but not the collective group. A dungaree of lesbians has the ability to bring a cold sweat to my unsuspecting armpit. This makes me an altogether ridiculous lesbian, as a surely a lesbian is meant to like lesbians?
It’s not that I’m homophobic. I don’t actively go out and insight hatred towards large groups of lesbians, throwing cat hairs, Ikea promotional materials and pints of beer at an unsuspecting group. I just simply don’t understand what lesbians have in common in order to function as a ‘community.’ The obvious commonality that lesbians hold is a sexual penchant for fannies, which is, by all accounts, a wonderful thing to have in common. However, rather superficial, and after a while - what with Lesbian Bed Death (LBD) - rather mundane.
Our community was once based on fighting over our basic human rights, in order to give us a united strength, to gain support in our times of homophobic abuse and to put the fascists down. This of course still goes on, but the situation has become much less of an issue. Our fight for equal rights is drawing to a close, therefore apart from a common interest in fanny loving, what is left?
Wednesday 22 October 2008
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of course, you are right, it is a small pool of allsorts and a great deal of emotional dysfunction and people who write insight instead of incite (jk) or jk instead of just kidding. If lesbians comprise 5% of the population and in the ordinary population, you are only attracted to about 0.001% of people, then you will do it tough in lesbian land. And how ludicrous to lump lesbians and gays together, like your average pc lesbian has anything in common with a libidinous poof. But then I remember coming out and the sheer joy (mixed with terror) of being in a room full of lesbians and all that mattered was that they were lesbians and my cup ran over (as it were).
ReplyDeleteCommunity is a myth anyway..no matter what your sexual preference and as it is no longer possible to recognise lesbians as a rule, you'd be hard-pushed to find an identifiable dungaree of lesbians (love that)anywhere.
Lynne B
I am sure the aim of this opinion piece is to be thought provoking, and in this context, I appreciate Clare’s contribution, and I thank her for her efforts.
ReplyDeleteI would like to respond to some key themes in Clare’s piece.
To begin, it seems to me that there is a distinct logical inconsistency in Clare’s thinking; on one hand Clare defines lesbians as a collective group that she hates, and as a community which once fought for human rights. One the other hand she suggests that sexual identity is not basis enough for such a collective group or community, thereby discounting the basis for her hatred. This issue aside, I hold concern with some of her statements.
For clarity, homophobia is defined as the fear or hatred of those who are perceived to be homosexual. A key word here is hatred, which I believe Clare has expressed quite explicitly in her blog: “I hate lesbians (as a group)”. Homophobia does not require interpersonal violence to be valid, so refraining from throwing beer or cat hair does not discount homophobic behavior. Further, liking individual lesbians does exonerate a person from being homophobic. This argument has been worn by out by racists claiming that having one or two non-white friends discounts other racist behavior they engage in. Homophobia, like racism, has its origins in generalizations and stereotypes about groups of people and usually does not reflect the complexity of individuals. For the sake of further clarity, I will elaborate on the definition of homophobia - Homophobia exists in four distinct categories, internalized, interpersonal, institutional and cultural. From this point of departure, insipid homophobia in the form of derogatory humor and statements about groups of lesbians is still homophobia.
Clare, what is it about groups of lesbians that you don’t like? The fact that they identify as lesbians? Or is it the fact that you don’t like lesbians to congregate in groups? Do you think that they could be dangerous on mass?
It may be of interest to note here that many lesbians and same-sex attracted women experience internalized homophobia at some point in their lives. That is, they experience shame and hatred towards their own sexual orientation and can sometimes direct these feelings towards others of the same orientation (interpersonal homophobia). The experience of internalized homophobia is often facilitated by the overt homophobia experienced or witnessed in the society around us.
Suggesting that lesbian sexuality is only about an ‘interest in fannies’ reveals an over simplified interpretation of sexuality. Sexual practice is quite distinct from sexual identity, and the two don’t always neatly match. Many lesbians consider their identities as much more that a declaration of ‘fanny love’. For some, it represents a political identity, a clear decision not only to love other women, but to also challenge the rules and limitations placed on women by socially constructed norms of heterosexuality, femininity and family. In many cases, each piece of this identity is the result of personal and collective struggle and courage; struggle against biological family, cultural homophobia depicting lesbian sexuality as a heterosexual fetish, institutions that refuse to recognize the validity of same sex relationships, or have even constructed it as a deviance or sickness. Being a lesbian takes courage!
I work with lesbians on a daily basis in my job. I work to improve the health and well being of this group or community of women. Why do I do this? Well, the world I live in tells me a story that is slightly different from the one where ‘our fight for humans rights is drawing to a close’. First things first, health is a basic universal human right, and according to the World Health Organization ‘every country in the world is now party to at least one human rights treaty that addresses health-related rights’. This includes the right to health as well as other rights that relate to conditions necessary for health’. If you were to base a measurement of the completion of our ‘fight for human rights’ on evidence, you will discover that lesbians as a group in fact experience a range of lower health outcomes that relate directly to living in a society that discriminates against them on the basis of their sexuality. Lesbians, as a group experience higher rates of violence higher rates of many cancers, mental health issues, alcohol and other drug use and in some cases, higher rates of sexually transmitted infections and access health services at much lower rate than their heterosexual counterparts. Many of this is related to a society and a health care system that does allow equal access, and refuses to acknowledge the existence and needs of lesbians and same-sex attracted women.
In the project I work in three young lesbians that have accessed our services have died over the past two years. One took her own life because of an overwhelmingly violent home situation, the other overdosed on an illicit substance because her friends didn’t know how to respond when she started experiencing difficulties, and the third died of cancer. I am not suggesting that being a lesbian is a sickness, quite the opposite, but I am suggesting that the health needs of lesbians are drastically under recognized in our society. And that’s just in our privileged developed democracies.
The fight for human rights is not at the same stage across the globe. Many lesbians and same sex attracted women in countries across the global south and east, live with threats and experiences of extreme violence that stem from their societies and governments. Last year I represented a Mongolian refugee who applied for asylum in my country in order to escape unspeakable homophobic violence from the police force in her own country. To do this she had to leave everything behind her, can you imagine?
Your statement about our fight drawing to close indicates that perhaps your own individual experience of privilege does not represent that of all lesbians. This further suggests that a ‘community’ of lesbians does not necessarily have to represent homogeneity, but could actually be a beautiful celebration of diversity. Community does not have to be a limitation; it could reflect points of commonality while simultaneously recognizing and celebrating diversity.
As lesbians and queer women we can support and learn form each other, pay respect to the struggles of women before us, and look together to the future and hope and struggle for a better world for everyone. A world where youth suicide in young lesbians and same-sex attracted women is not higher than that in the heterosexual community, one where our relationships are not categorized as second class, or somehow worth less than heterosexual relationships; One where we celebrate our lesbian sexuality rather than fear it or express hatred towards it, one where we can retain our radical fight for human rights without encroaching on those of others.
I am proud to be part of a global community of lesbians and queer women who have as many interpretations of what that means, as there are individuals in it. I don’t think community is about sameness, its about support and unity in diversity.
Clare, hate is a harmful word that represents a much more harmful concept. Our world would be a much safer and more enjoyable place without it. While a constructive criticism is a useful tool for dialogue and debate in this world, engaging with hatred of any kind, even masquerading as humor, is not.
In respect,
Siri
Siri,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting such a thoughtful and respectful answer. You have demonstrated a way forward for me. I hope that I can learn to defend lesbian rights and lifestyle with such gracious eloquence.
Warm regards
Gail.
The very short blog was more reflecting lesbians congregating in one place, eying up one another in a beer fueled, estrogen fest of frigging. It was not a social comment on the worlds fight for equality, in fact, it was from my perspective, in the lesbian infested London....I should have stipulated that by our fight drawing to a close, was dedicated more so towards my little life, rather than society as a whole... my mistake...
ReplyDeleteAlthough long, I found what you wrote very inspiring and the work that you do with gay women is truly commendable and a necessity in some societies.
You outline that you know it's a throw away piece of writing,(actually inspired by my inability to meet nice women!) that is meant to be full of humour, therefore making your piece slightly defunct, as I am, (funnily enough) aware of the issues that go on in the world - it was meant to be taken for what it is - good old cynical British humour.... Hatred, is just a word, but 'Without something to hate, we should lose the very spring of thought and action.' I will remember to turn hate into dislike strongly, when writing short silly blogs... :-)
Cheers!
Clare
Solidarity,
Clare
wel i agree with wat many of you have written i am a lesbian and i believe that no matter who you are attracted whether they be male or female fat or thin same sex or opposite sex beautiful or ugly every partnership (couple) should have the right to live as they want marry if they want to marry and be able to be proud of their love for one another and be able to display this as pubically as they wish to and not feel intimidated or fearful of what others might think say or do.
ReplyDeleteSo i think instead of bickering about the little things we should be standing strong together as a minority group so as to be heard and to get all the important rights and same treatment as any heterosexual person. if we fall apart and start hating eachother and what eachother stands for our voices will never be heard and we wil never get anywhere in our fight for lesbian rights.
yours respectfully
E K
Thanks so much Clare for showing those of us who have worked for lesbian rights, supported our sisters and believe in dignity and respect, that there is still much work to be done - not the least among other lesbians. It is not cool to denigrate other lesbians. If you are desperate & dateless it may be more about you than them! If you want an adrenalin rush by stirring up responses why not address the real issues which impact negatively on lesbians? Think about marginalisation (lesbians left out of family gatherings, ignored at work socials) and prejudice ("I watch Mardi Gras but I wouldn't want my daughter to be gay") and discrimination (lesbians denied promotion at work because they don't fawn over the men). Then there's homophobic fuelled violence - only yesterday I heard about a lesbian bashed with a baseball bat.
ReplyDeleteAnd to EK could I point out that we will never get the "same treatment as any heterosexual person" while social attitudes are still reflecting nineteenth century judgmental & moralistic views. There is a difference between someone saying we now have equality – and that includes those federal laws passed last November which try to produce overnight "equal treatment” – and real or substantive equality. Those laws don't change the detriment to lives of particularly older lesbians and gays, resulting from the accumulation of past systemic disadvantages.
Even if some lesbians don't want to take a broad view beyond their own social circles and age cohorts the fact remains there's a long way to go yet. If Home and Away gets canned because of "the lesbian kiss" then what does that say about social attitudes? Hardly equal treatment eh?
Sister Crone.
What an excellent thread. Siri what a wonderful responce. Clare, you took Siri's responce on the chin very well. Yeah there are so many things going on in the individual lesbian and that always changes when in a group. I still get nervous when I am in a LGBT environment. I'm like 32 now and still get the jitters. Yes i get uncomfortable with a group of lessies in a bar or club that you can feel their eyes crawliing over you like a sleazy old man. I 'dislike strongly' that there is this meat market thing going on a lot and it seems - or at least to me - that there is this cultural/social/locational set of preconceptions that I get so angry with each time i want to go out, party and/or hopefully meet Ms Right.
ReplyDeleteWhat was mentioned regarding internalized homophobia is very real and I believe that alone with all the bombardment of heterosexual status quo commonness makes living as you are unnecessarily hard. If there is a disease in our troubled world it would have to hatred of the unknown - period.
I could go off on a thorough discourse but i won't now. what really matters is that we do employ humour and every positive emotion, thought, action, behaviour into making our lives, both individual and collective - happy, fulfilling and uniquely our own.
Cheers to all for such a wonderful discussion.
respectfully
Cath
hey clare i think ur right!! lol .. can u contact me asap! its chelsea.w. i will explain =] X
ReplyDeletehey can u contact me asap. on =] what you wrote was brilliant i really agree. X
ReplyDelete