From a Reader: Our Tender Feelings

A blog received from LOTL reader, Mary Ann Vorasky, about Proposition 8, the danger of gender typing and the celebration of same-sex relations within the animal kingdom.

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Earlier this month, Time.com quotes a law professor who specialises in lesbian and gay rights as saying, in referring to the passing of California's Prop 8 that it's never been about marriage. Those who supported Prop 8 in California and similar laws in other states like Arizona and Florida have said that if marriage is not "protected" then legislating morality will one day be completely undone and we will have "full normalisation" of homosexuality. Somehow in our society, love is the greatest threat that must be beaten down at all costs, and violence is glorified as protection and morality. As Homer Simpson once said when a couple was making out in front of his kids, "How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings!"

In certain animal societies, sexual energy functions as a harmonising influence. For example, animal studies have shown that at least 80% of the interactions between male giraffes are classified as "homosexual". Giraffes are highly intelligent. They do not pre-emptively strike in pseudo self-defence, but they do protect themselves if directly threatened. Their hooves are heavy enough that, if attacked by a lion, they can seriously injure the lion by striking out. But they do not strike first; they are not violent creatures. The sexuality freely expressed between males in their species has the ultimate effect of lowering aggression.

And then there are the Bonobo monkeys, whom I recently saw referred to in the media in an article about Lindsay Lohan. When the group gathers together, the female Bonobos have sex with each other, and then the community eats. The Bonobos are not violent creatures, unlike the more sexually regimented Common Chimpanzee. In Bonobo life, the expression of sexual energy between females harmonises the larger group. The Common Chimpanzee and the Bonobos are the closest relatives to humans in the animal kingdom.

In human society, for thousands of years, we have documented our violent history to the point of people simply believing we are a violent species. We have split sexuality in half by making "heterosexuality" right and good, and "homosexuality" wrong and bad. We have strictly encoded gender behaviour to limit how men and women are allowed to express themselves. We elevate the male over the female to such an extent that to this day, in certain countries — and cultures, even in America — parents overwhelmingly choose to abort female children. Human men and women are thus heavily regimented, and violence is its own result in this intensive campaign against humanity and sexuality.

A friend said to me recently: "Are you saying that it's the suppression of gay feelings that causes violence?" It's not just "gay" feelings that are suppressed in gender typing, but loving, tender feelings. Listen to ‘When I Was a Boy’ by Dar Williams:

I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike
Riding topless, I didn't care who saw.
My neighbor came outside to say "Get your shirt!"
I said "No way! It's the last time, I'm not breaking any law".
And now I'm in a clothing store where the sign says "less is more".
More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me.
That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat.
When I was a boy, see that picture that was me,
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees.
And I know things have gotta change, they've got pills to sell
They've got implants to put in, they've got implants to remove.
But I am not forgetting, that I was a boy too.
… So I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say "Now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won".
And he says "oh no, can't you see?
When I was a girl, my mom and I, we always talked,
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could cry all the time, now even when I'm alone, I seldom do.
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too,
And you were just like me
And I was just like you.

I say let's fully normalise human sexuality! Let's make the two one. Let's unite that which we have torn asunder. And let's expose each other to our tender feelings. What do we really have to lose?

 

SPOILERS! All about Season 6 of The L Word

* SPOILER ALERT *

WARNING: THIS CONTAINS -SPOILERS- ABOUT SEASON 6 OF THE L WORD! YES, THAT'S RIGHT: SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS.

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The L Word: Fifth season.

Okay, hopefully all those who hate surprises have departed....

With the premiere of season 6 fast approaching, what will happen in The L Word’s last season?

The teaser doing the rounds on YouTube offers very little.

Will Bette and Tina get back together?

Meanwhile, will Alice and Tasha stay together?

What will happen with Shane? Jenny?

Question, questions...

* SPOILER ALERT *

WARNING: BIG, BIG -SPOILERS- BELOW! BEST TO AVOID IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN IN THE DARK.

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The spoilers doing the rounds indicate that - gasp! - Jenny dies. Drowning in Bette's pool. Was it an accident? Was it intentional? It seems Shane might be involved.

If Jenny is found floating in Bette’s pool, what does that say about The L Word? Some fans are lambasting the storyline claiming it plays on tired, old stereotypes of the tragic lesbian meeting her death à la The Children’s Hour. If Shane is to blame for Jenny’s death, you then have the lesbian-turned-murderer stereotype to draw on. It’s raining clichés! Grab an umbrella!

Back when The L Word launched, Chaiken said in an interview for Hollywood networking group POWER UP! that “Jenny, although not me, certainly reflects a little bit of my life experience. Jenny the writer who comes to L.A. and then discovers, or reckons with her sexual identity”. The first few seasons were doing just that – allowing Jenny to discover and come to accept her sexuality.

And now? She’s dead. One cannot help but think that it’s a less than great message to send to viewers (especially the curious) – come out and end up as a corpse. But then again Chaiken has repeatedly said that television, particularly melodramas such as The L Word should not be a place for politics.

So what does Jenny’s death mean? With The L Word often being regarded as a soap opera, Jenny’s death draws on similar themes from old favourites such as Melrose Place. In this context, her death seems only fitting. Maybe we should look past the politics and just see it as light entertainment? But then again, we are lesbians and that seems impossible...

As Jenny’s storyline was the impetus for The L Word at the beginning, with her death, maybe the show is seeking some kind of morbid full cycle? Maybe it’s Chaiken bringing about closure for the show and her old shelf as embodied by Jenny? Although that sounds a bit artsy...

What do you think about Jenny’s death? Good riddance? Tragic? If nothing else, the character certainly polarised the opinions of fans.

- C

POSTSCRIPT: Hmm, I wonder if a movie version is in the works like Sex and the City. Now that would be interesting. But what about Jenny? Bring her back from the dead? Or maybe draw on that staple from other soap opera’s and introduce Jenny’s long lost twin? Hmm, but then that has already been done, kind of, with the introduction of Adele.

The L Word: A fourth season cast shot.

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* SPOILER ALERT *

WARNING: YES, -SPOILERS- ABOUT SEASON 6 OF THE L WORD ABOVE! SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS.

Attack of the Lesbian Clones

A friend recently sent me a link to the Stuff Lesbians Like blog, which seeks to steer away from all those flannel-wearing stereotypes (not that there is anything wrong with them!) and create a new list of stuff that well, lesbians like.

A funny little piece is called "Dyke-a-Likes", which claims that we date people who are clones of ourselves, at least in the fashion sense. Matching hairstyles, jeans and tank tops anyone? Apparently if we're in an good ole butch/femme relationship then we coordinate clothing. And if we're not in a relationship, we seek out friends that are "Dyke-a-Likes".

With my own friend circle, I would say a definite no. None of us are clones. On a superficial level, none of us dress alike. However, with my girlfriend, I suppose we are into coordinating; I'll wear a red skirt and she'll wear a red tie. Or we both wear black and fade into the night. jk.

Looking around at girls' events such as Bitch and Moist, I cannot help but think that "Dyke-a-Like" friend circles do exist.

Does that apply to you? Do you and your girlfriend and/or friends dress, act and look alike?

Why does this happen? Is it because our wardrobes get doubled? Or are we are just narcisstic?

- C